The 2008 Bailout Bill-Wool Wearers, Racing Fans and Forest Eco-Systems Can Finally Rest Easy

Photo courtesy of terren in Virginia

My fellow Americans, your government has been hard at work over the last couple weeks drafting a 451-page bill filled enough provisions to make your head spin. Billed as a bailout for the country’s financial system, the “emergency economic stabilization” plan contains quite a few important provisions. To save you the trouble of sifting through all 451 pages, I’ve highlighted below some of the more important legislative accomplishments.

  • Sec. 325. Extension and modification of duty suspension on wool products; wool research fund; wool duty refunds. I think this means reduced tariffs on wool and wool products will continue through 12/31/2014. Good to know those who can’t afford their home heating bills this winter can bundle up with cheaper wool sweaters.
  • Sec. 317. Seven-year cost recovery period for motorsports racing track facility. This one should be popular with all those NASCAR fans with their C.P.A certification. Hard to tell much from the actual language in the bill, but it sounds like the government is extending the time some “motorsports racing facility” has to recover building costs. Whew, glad they got that one hammered out–our economy was surely doomed without it.
  • Sec. 503. Exemption from excise tax for certain wooden arrows designed for use by children. According to the text, this provision allows for an “exemption for certain wood shafts” from excise tax. The shafts are manufactured for use by children, but cannot be less than 5/16 of inch in diameter and must not be “suitable for use with a bow.” I guess that eliminates the shaft taxpayers received in the passage of this bloated bill.
  • Sec. 601. Secure rural schools and community self-determination program. This section takes care of the “Reauthorization of the Secure Rural Schools and Community Self-Determination Act of 2000. Unfortunately, I have no idea what that means, but considering this section alone accounts for 49 pages of the overall bill’s text I can only assume it is something important. Forgive me, but I got lost when I hit the subsection that called for job creation in areas whose objectives would be to “control noxious and exotic weeds” while providing “improvements in forest eco-system health.” You can see how a regular guy like me could get lost in the “noxious weeds” of these 49 pages.

If you would like to read more about these critical pieces of legislation, you may view the full text here (pdf format). I’m sure you will be as comforted as I am to know that finally all the rural, wool-sweater wearing kids toting wooden arrows with no bows to the motorsports track are finally taken care of. Whew–What a relief!

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